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Classic Velocity Blog

The Theory of Concentric Circles

Classic Velocity

When being predisposed toward vehicles of an ancient era, there are a number of critical theories and methodologies to develop and utilize so as to minimize the degradation of your domestic affairs. One which I have developed and offer freely to all is the theory of concentric circles.

When returning a vehicle to roadworthiness, I have found it advantageous to follow the steps below :

  1. Make sure that the vehicle can stop. Don't ask me why this has risen to #1.
  2. Make sure that the vehicle can go. this seems simple, but running at idle and operating under load are 2 different things. Apologize to neighbors for the noise and smoke.
  3. Leave your house and perform a loop with a radius no longer than you are willing to push the vehicle. Return to base and fix the oil leak that you forgot to address. Apologize to neighbors for the oil streak.
  4. Leave your house and complete a loop with a radius no longer than you are willing to walk home. Return to the vehicle with the trailer only to have it start right up. Put it on the trailer anyway, because like the song says, you won't be fooled again. Apologize to neighbors for dragging the loose tow strap buckle down the street in a shower of sparks rivaling a welding convention, and for setting fire to the Rosenman's azaleas.
  5. Leave the house and complete a loop with a radius no longer than your friend or significant other is willing to retrieve you from. Congratulate yourself on a  (unknowingly misleading) successful journey, but apologize to neighbors for the short in the horn circuit that accompanies your departure and return.
  6. Leave the house and complete a loop that passes by strategic auto parts stores and friend's houses, while extending the running time to twice the previous loop. Call home and convince significant other that a friend insisted that you stay for dinner and summon the rest of the clan. Explain to friend's neighbors that it was backfiring, and that you are not a member of  the regional Large Ordinance Club. Have a few drinks and activate the designated driver compact. Return for the vehicle some time later when your friend demands the removal of your inoperable jewel.
  7. Leave the house and complete a loop equal to the distance to the local club meeting or event. If like most of us, you have skipped this step and are actually going to the meeting or event, you will find the following formula useful. FP=0.5D-NT . For you non-scientific types, Failure point (FP) = half the distance (D) to the event minus the needed tool (NT). Apologize to neighbors for screaming back into your driveway in first gear.
  8. Leave the house and complete a loop equal to the amount of time you have available to ride/drive. Bask in the glory. Apologize to the neighbors in advance for the upcoming race bike  project.